How to Become a Mindful Couple and Enjoy a Peaceful Marriage

To understand why it’s important to be a mindful couple, we must first explore the concept of mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a:

  • State of being

  • Commitment to the present moment

  • Way to detach from judgement

  • Path to a more peaceful life

Practicing mindfulness is acceptance and an understanding that life unfolds in the moment. Our thoughts drift to the past with regret. They drift to the future with apprehension. But there’s good news!

We are not our thoughts and we can live more fully in the here and now.

How does one learn mindfulness?

The simple answer to this question is to remember. Remember who you are and where you are. Remember , too, that you can’t change the past or predict the future.

Of course, this is easier said than done so here are few tips:

  • Breathe

We all breathe to live, but do we breathe to live in the moment? Focus on your breath. Recognize other thoughts and allow them to move on. Count your breaths. Consciously live your breaths.

  • Learn to meditate

Contrary to popular belief, meditating does not require you to become a yogi or “new age” person. Find a time and space to be alone with your thoughts and breath. Let the moment guide you.

  • Be mindful during daily activities

We all rush through activities like doing dishes or brushing our teeth. These mundane chores offer us an opportunity to practice being in the moment. Focus on the sensations. This will leave less room for random, unhelpful thoughts.

5 Ways to Become a Mindful Couple and Enjoy a Peaceful Marriage

Embracing mindfulness will help you in all aspects of your life. This includes your relationships. Furthermore, commitment to becoming a mindful couple is a bonding, trust-building process. The practice mindfulness allows you to become more aware of:

  • the rhythm and patterns of your own behavior

  • how you behavior impacts your partner

  • the love and trust that is the foundation of your relationship

You can begin the move towards such awareness by considering the following 5 steps.

1. Re-evaluate your language choices

Being mindful involves speaking mindfully. Word choices matters. Being in sync with your partner means understanding and respecting their boundaries and triggers. Avoid “you” statements. Focus on expressing your feelings. If you’re not sure about something, ask.

2. Don’t underestimate your body language

It could be a shrug. If you’re larger than your partner, it could involve you simply standing up during a conversation. Other considerations:

  • Eye roll

  • Lack of eye contact

  • Clenching fists

  • Grinding teeth

The mindful couple communicates clearly and without contradictory body language. They also listen carefully when one of them has a concern to share about non-verbal communication issues.

3. Refine your listening skills

Here are some basic suggestions for staying present when you partner is speaking:

  • Maintain eye contact

  • Do not interrupt

  • Wait for a pause if you need them to clarify something

  • When it’s your turn to speak, acknowledge what’s been said

  • Don’t focus on what your reply will be

  • Again: Do not interrupt

  • Maintain an open mind

  • Stay aware of your body language (see #2 above)

4. Meditate together

The couple that meditates together, elevates together. Work as a team to keep your relationship rooted in the here and now. You may cook together or exercise together or watch movies together. Why not make mindfulness another shared activity and goal?

5. Work together with a mindfulness counselor

Our society is not big on mindfulness. Changing old habits and discarding embedded patterns can be a challenge. Don’t be shy about seeking help.

Couples counseling can be a big step towards a peaceful marriage.

To find out more about how couples therapy can more mindfulness and peace to your relationship please contact our intake team at the Center for Mindful Psychotherapy: call us at (415) 766-0276; or email us at intakes@mindfulcenter.org.